


And I'm Hungry Like The... Thing

by Liviapenn



Category: Psych, due South
Genre: Chromatic Character, Crossover, Gen, Pirates, Podfic Available, Silly, gen-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-19
Updated: 2009-03-19
Packaged: 2017-10-03 03:38:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liviapenn/pseuds/Liviapenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't really want the wolf to be my new partner, Shawn. Why would I want a wolf as my new partner?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I'm Hungry Like The... Thing

**Author's Note:**

> ALL ZVI'S FAULT. No specific spoilers for any episodes, but it probably would help to have seen Psych's "9 Lives" and Due South's "Mountie on the Bounty."
> 
> There is a podfic of this story available [here](http://amplificathon.dreamwidth.org/1820196.html), read by kalakirya.

"Shawn," Gus said patiently. Shawn didn't look at him, just crossed his arms more tightly over his chest and spun his desk chair a few more degrees away from Gus. Gus sighed. "Come on. You know I wasn't serious."

"You sounded serious," Shawn said sulkily.

"I don't really want the wolf to be my new partner, Shawn. Why would I want a wolf as my new partner?" Gus insisted, then gave the wolf an apologetic look.

The wolf looked back as if to say that it totally understood; partnerships were tough, and sometimes the closer you got, the tougher it could get. Sometimes one person just had to bite the bullet and apologize-- smooth the waters over, and all that. Sometimes just showing that you were willing to make a gesture was the most important thing in the world. (For a wolf, Gus had to say, Little Boy Wolf had some really expressive looks. Then again, Gus had never met a wolf before, so maybe they were all like that.)

"Little boy wolf found the murder weapon. Little boy wolf disarmed two armed men before they could shoot us and throw our bodies in a culvert. Little boy wolf doesn't embarrass me in front of girls," Shawn mimicked Gus' voice in a sing-song manner, then slammed a hand down on his desk. "Well, you ask that wolf if he'll take you to the arcade on your birthday! Ask him if he'll cover your eyes for you during that one bit in _Candyman!_ Ask him if he'll let you win at Wii Bowling!"

"I think I could probably beat the wolf at Wii Bowling."

"No, Gus! Don't beg!" Shawn said, throwing out a hand. "Please, don't beg. It's beneath you. And it's too late, anyway, you're not going to win me back with your sweet words or your big chocolatey eyes! I just, I can't believe this!" he said, clutching his chest. "I gave you the best years of my life! And you just drop me for this ADD fleabag we found wandering around at the airfield, with no collar or tags, that probably has rabies--!"

_He doesn't mean that,_ Gus mouthed at the wolf. "He doesn't have fleas, Shawn. Or rabies. Or ADD. Actually, I think he's deaf."

"I want to be adult about this," Shawn said, taking a few deep, calming breaths. "I think we have to try to make this separation amicable, for Lassie and Jules' sake. They shouldn't have to see us fight."

Gus sighed and gave up. "Fine. All right, fine! We're breaking up! The wolf is my new partner! And by the way, I'm calling dibs on Juliet right now."

"What?" Shawn said. "My God, man. Have some maturity. We're grown men. You can't _dibs_ custody of our mutual friends."

"I can't?" Gus crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair. "Because it seems like I just did."

"Gus--!"

"Maybe if you're nice to me, I'll let you see her on the weekends," Gus allowed. "In the summer."

"Fine!" Shawn spluttered, then got up and started picking things up from his desk. Of course he didn't have a box, so he just ended up with a random assortment of things that he could carry in his arms: his favorite toy racecar and some file folders, a pineapple and Gus' red Swingline stapler. Gathering everything up, he stomped to the door of the main office area, chin raised high. "I hope you and little boy wolf will be very happy together--!" His voice only wavered a bit.

The wolf whined, resting its head on Gus' knee as Shawn shouldered his way out the door, arms full of crap. Gus scratched between its ears. The front door slammed.

"He'll be back," Gus told the wolf.

The wolf looked at him, then pricked its ears up. The front door slammed again. Shawn shouldered back into the main office, arms still full of crap.

"Okay, I didn't think it would be so soon, actually," Gus said. The wolf snuffled.

"Gus," Shawn inquired, "was there a dead pirate on your car ten minutes ago?"

"What?" Gus said. The wolf lifted its head and made an interested noise.

"A dead pirate on your car," Shawn enunciated clearly. "Murdered, by the way."

Gus looked at the wolf. The wolf looked at him.

Even though Gus didn't really want the wolf to replace Shawn, he had to admit that it had some pretty sharp ideas now and then.

"How is there a dead pirate on my car?" he demanded, leaping up and peeking through the front blinds. He blinked. "Oh my god! What the-- My car! My car is a crime scene!"

The wolf nosed the back of his leg, reminding Gus of the plan. Oh, right.

He turned to Shawn, holding up a finger. "This is a case, Shawn. Someone killed a guy right on our doorstep. We have to work this case."

"Actually, it looks like he was killed elsewhere and the body was moved to--" Shawn said automatically. Then he stopped. He looked back out at the front window for a long moment, then drifted back over to his desk and started setting things back down. "I guess it is kind of an affront to our detective-ly honor..."

"Exactly," Gus said. "People can't just dump bodies on us. It's an insult. Are we gonna let Psych go out like that?"

Shawn gently set his little racecar back in its place, still not looking up. "Well. I guess not. But just this one last case, right?"

"Just one," Gus said.

"And then we're done."

"Then we're done."

"Promise?"

"Absolutely," Gus said, with ultimate sincerity.

Shawn finally, finally raised his head and made eye contact, giving Gus a grudging look. "Well, all right then. I guess I should call Lassie," he said, grabbing his phone and turning his back to Gus as he perched on the edge of his desk. "Also, dibs on being Johnny Depp," he tossed over his shoulder. "You can be Orlando Bloom."

"I am not being Orlando Bloom, Shawn," Gus argued, a weight already lifting off his shoulders.

"Shush!" Shawn hissed, then started squawking into the phone. "Pieces of eight! Pieces of eight!"

Gus smiled, surreptitiously stretching his hand down to wolf level. The wolf raised its front leg and paw-bumped him.

Clearing his throat, Gus hurriedly straightened up as Shawn glanced over his shoulder. The wolf leaned against the desk, looking casually off in another direction entirely.

Shawn frowned suspiciously, then turned his back on the both of them. "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!" he continued. "Polly wants a MURDER! ... What? Come on, Lassie, would you work with me, here? Just once? I'm practically spoon-feeding you!"

"Good little boy wolf," Gus whispered. "Act natural."

"No, you can't talk to Gus!" Shawn yelled. "Because he left me for a wolf, that's why--!" His shoulders slumped, and he pressed his phone against his forehead for a moment, sighing. "Oh, just... get over here, there's a dead pirate. Oh! And you have to be Geoffrey Rush! Gus is already Orlando Bloom..."

"I'm totally Norrington," Gus told the wolf.

"Yes, I said _pirate_! Dead pirate!" Shawn insisted. "What part of this is confusing?"

The wolf didn't say anything. But it definitely looked like it agreed.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] And I'm Hungry Like The... Thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/531147) by [kalakirya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalakirya/pseuds/kalakirya)




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